


The Struggles of Being Simon Snow's Boyfriend

by take_you_to_a_vampire_bar (hermanthejanitor)



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Jealous Baz, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 22:43:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16273883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermanthejanitor/pseuds/take_you_to_a_vampire_bar
Summary: Simon Snow gets hit on a lot. It's inevitable really, he perfectly combines attractiveness with obliviousness, and he's so entirely incapable of saying no to people, that he'd probably end up on a date by mistake. It's enough to drive any normal boyfriend mad. Unfortunately for Baz, he isn't normal, and he doesn't like sharing.Tonight though, right now, in this bar, Baz is determined not to come to the rescue. No matter how annoying the girl is, or how helpless Simon looks, he will not save him this time. Probably.





	The Struggles of Being Simon Snow's Boyfriend

**Baz**

There is a girl touching Simon.

  
Here I am, just minding my own business, waiting for my boyfriend to collect our drinks from the bar like a good little vampire, and there’s some fucking girl touching him.

  
I’ve never been very good with sharing. I once caught Mordelia opening my violin case to look inside when she was three and refused to speak to her for a week. I stand by that reaction.

  
I clench my teeth and narrow my eyes, little crescents forming in my palms as my nails dig in. I’m not looking directly at them, that would be too overt, but I can see them just fine. She’s touching his back, leaning into his space and simpering pathetically up at him as if she’s a dog starved of affection. He’s looking as confused and gormless as ever, the gorgeous idiot. I’m _not_ saving him this time.

  
Snow gets hit on a lot. Objectively, it makes sense. He’s hideously attractive, mindlessly friendly and magnificently oblivious. I appreciate that it can be difficult not to hit on Simon Snow sometimes, hell I struggled for seven years, so I understand that the average member of the public does not have my Simon-tolerance or self-control. Still.

  
Now she’s tossing her hair like a drunk bobble-head (she’s got a lot of hair, like greasy string piled onto her heart-shaped head). Better-looking people have hit on Snow. It almost annoys me that she isn’t more attractive, at least then I’d be able to enjoy fantasising about ripping her face off. Ok, I still enjoy it.

  
As I say, I’ve never been very good at sharing my things.

  
Snow is distractedly ordering from the bartender now, nodding politely at whatever the bobble-head girl is prattling on about as he pays. She’s hanging off his arm now, her fingers wrapped around his bicep as if taking his measurements. I don’t appreciate that. I like that bicep, it’s one of my two favourite in the world.

  
_Crowley_ I am disgusted with myself.

  
The bartender is making the drinks now and Snow is looking bewildered as the girl strafes him with her shrill voice. If she shoved her boobs any further together she could hold wands in her cleavage. Snow smiles weakly and she shrieks out a laugh, making my keen vampire ears shudder. I bet she’d even be annoying when screaming in pain. I don’t think I’d mind at this point.

  
The drinks are set on the bar and Snow scoops them up eagerly, trying to turn back towards our table. A hand with impractical long, mauve nails stops him (mauve? Seriously?). Now she has a hand on his arm and the centre of his chest, tracing along his maroon V-neck.

  
(Snow does look unreasonably good in the V-neck. The neck shows off his collarbones deliciously, the colour makes him look warm and his eyes seem brighter by contrast. The tight but soft fabric also makes his shoulders look particularly…edible. I may have bought him the V-neck.)

  
Snow’s face is bright red now, and I know his skin would be burning hot if I were to press my lips to his cheek. He’s looking around frantically as the woman talks, like a hapless dog that’s been cornered by a large cat and doesn’t know what to do with itself. It would be hilarious if my blood wasn’t boiling. His panicked gaze finally settles on me and he bulges his eyes at me.

  
“ _Help_ ” he mouths, nodding down at the oblivious woman still stroking between his collarbones.

  
I’m _not_ saving him again.

  
I cock my head in pretend confusion and shrug.

  
He scowls at me, jutting his chin forward aggressively as if saying “get over here you lazy excuse for a vampire before I tattoo a cross onto your forehead.”

  
He’s so sweet to me.

  
I roll my eyes and slip off my stool, sauntering towards my ensnared boyfriend leisurely. His pleading gaze never wavers, and as I approach I can start to make out words in the girl’s inane chatter.

  
“-anyway, you should _totally_ come over, I just brought back this whole crate of wine from my last trip to Nice and it is _to die for_. You remember how I mentioned that I summer in _Nice_ right? The food is _wonderful_ , and my friends and I get to bathe topless by the pool in our _villa_ and it is _exquisite_. Do you tan? You have such _adorable_ freckles-”

  
“Hello, Love” I slip my arm around Simon’s waist and smile serenely at him, ignoring the girl and her hideous nails.

  
“ _Baz_ ” Simon sighs in relief, handing me my drink and leaning into my side as if he’s trying to hide behind me. Pathetic. Cute, but pathetic.

  
“You were taking a while, darling, I’m _thirsty_ you know” I sip my cocktail, not breaking eye contact with Snow as the sugary liquid reaches my palate.

  
He doesn’t even blush, just grins at me like I just gave him a present. Crowley, how am I ever supposed to not save him if I get looks like that?

  
Someone beside us coughs.

  
I look over, my eyebrow rising as I meet a pair of muddy brown eyes. She’s prettier up close, her face pleasingly proportioned and lips full. Her dress is probably designed to accentuate her curves, but has bunched up and now she just looks dumpy. And pissed.

  
“May I help you?” I sneer slightly, letting the word ‘help’ drip from my tongue like a personal slight.

  
“I...Me and Simon…I was just” she tries to start several sentences, abandoning each quickly.

  
“Simon” she turns her too-white teeth on him “who is your friend?”

  
Simon had been slightly leaning his head on my shoulder and I could feel his eyes on the side of my face.

  
“Huh?” he turns to look down at the girl, as if just remembering that she’s there. I bet he’s not even pretending, the adorable oaf.

  
“Who’s your friend?” she asks through gritted teeth.

  
“Please, we’ve never been friends” he snorts. I pinch his side for that and he jerks closer to me.

  
“This is my boyfriend, Baz” he puts a hand on my back as if feeling the need to demonstrate exactly who in this empty bar ‘Baz’ is. “Baz, this is…”

  
His eyebrows scrunch up in pain and he looks apologetically at the girl.

  
“Sara.” A fake smile is beamed at me. She has food stuck between her back molars.

  
“Charmed.” I don’t offer her my hand. Instead, I tighten my arm around Snow and tug him to the side slightly.

  
“Come on, you’ve embarrassed yourself enough for one evening.”

  
Snow rolls his eyes at that but follows me happily enough, waving a quick good bye to a disgruntled girl, his hand still on my back.

  
“You took your time about that,” he growls softly as we reclaim our seats, sitting closer together than before. I can feel him all the way from my knee to my shoulder.

  
“I disagree, I feel like I arrived just in time. She was about to talk about your freckles, and that can’t be allowed” I peck the mole on his neck to prove my point and I feel his chuckle under my lips.

  
“She just kept talking, and I didn’t understand half the stuff she was saying.”

  
“That’s better than your average.”

  
“Shut up.”

  
I lean more into him, feeling his warmth soak through the layers of fabric separating us and settle into my skin.

  
“You really have to get better at saying no to people, Snow.”

  
“I know” he sighs leaning towards me so his curls brush my head “but I just feel bad, it’s not their fault I’m not single, and they’re usually very nice…”

  
I roll my eyes “of course they’re nice, they want to get into your pants.”

  
“Hey, you’re never nice to me, does that mean you don’t want to get into my pants?”

  
“I didn’t say that” I put a hand on his thigh and he smirks “what does that say about you though? All these ‘very nice’ imbeciles throwing themselves at you, and yet you’re with me. It is understandable though, I am irresistible.”

  
“You’re so romantic” he bumps my shoulder and grins “do you want me to go off with someone who’s never thrown me down the stairs?”

  
“If you like. I’ll take great pleasure in skinning whoever you run off with, and then I’ll lock you in a box and just keep you alive enough for sex and the occasional insult.”

  
“You’re disturbed.”

  
“I know, ask anyone.”

  
He rests his chin on my shoulder, interlacing his hand with the one I have still resting on his thigh. I can feel the callouses on his hands scratch my palms, rough like a cat’s tongue.

  
“Good for you that I’ve got a thing for vampires who are desperately in love with me.”

  
“I never said desperately.”

  
“Didn’t have to.”

  
I glare down at him. He looks up from my shoulder cheekily, his plain blue eyes glimmering in the dim light of the bar.

  
“You’re feeling cocky tonight.”

  
“Course I am, met this fit guy in the bar tonight and I’m pretty sure he’s coming home with me.”

  
“You’re an idiot.”

  
“And you’re easy.”

  
I’m about to protest but suddenly his lips are on mine, and I can’t remember what I was going to retort with. Snow’s mouth is hot, and it’s blazing through my every neuron and synapse, erasing anything that isn’t him. The kiss is inappropriate for a public space, and probably most private spaces as well, but I don’t care, I _can’t_ Snow’s hand is in my hair, pulling me closer, slotting our mouths together and doing this thing with his tongue that makes my skin prickle all over.

  
I reach for him, but suddenly he’s gone, and I’m left blinking as my brain struggles to realign itself after the sudden loss of his mouth.

  
Snow appears on my other side, his hand between my shoulder blades as he slips on his jacket, smiling like he’s just aced a test.

  
I try to glare at him, but I don’t thing it comes off right, as his grin just widens.

  
“Come on good-looking, let’s head back to my place.”

  
I know what he’s doing. It’s stupid. He thinks he’s so funny. Curses. I hate him. Damn it. I wish he hadn’t stopped kissing me.

  
He laughs at my murderous expression and turns around, not even glancing back as he strides towards the door.

  
I should stay in my seat. Make him come back and get me. Not play his game.

  
_Fuck_ I’m weak.

  
I down the end of my drink and follow nonchalantly, sliding on my jacket smoothly as I catch up to my idiot boyfriend by the exit. He still looks amused, but he slips his hand into mine and kisses my cheek, so I’ll probably forgive him.

  
As the cool night air hits us, I don’t even shiver. Why would I when Simon Snow is holding my hand and looking at me like I’m something special?

  
The next time someone hits on Snow, I’ll probably save him again, if this is what it gets me.  
 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who has commented on my other stories, it really brightens up my day! I've tried really hard to make this story funny and in character, so please let me know if I've succeeded (or not). I've written a bunch of other stories for this fandom, but I'm not 100% happy with them yet, so hopefully they'll come out at some point.


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